


Unless I Had Been (Calling to You)

by apackofsmokes



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Derek Comes Back, Dialogue Heavy, Emissary Stiles Stilinski, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 11:05:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apackofsmokes/pseuds/apackofsmokes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know,” he starts, calm, almost casual, as he looks towards the tree line. But Derek knows him, just as well as Scott. There’s fire and fury in his eyes. “Part of me hated you when you left.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unless I Had Been (Calling to You)

**Author's Note:**

> cue self indulgent 'Stiles letting out his feelings' fic

He’s in the preserve, just off a ways from where the old Hale house use to stand. A monument to who the real monsters in the world were. To what happens when you put your trust in the wrong people and everything goes up in flames.

But here, in a clearing where you wouldn’t be able to see the burnt out husk even if it was still standing, is where Stiles waits. _Poetic_ , he thinks. It’s where they started after all.

Stiles’ magic lit up like the Fourth of July as soon as Derek passed the ‘Welcome to Beacon Hills’ sign. It’s been over a year and everything in him is still hard-wired to pick up on the wolf. He’s damn near scratching at his arms, blood itching, when Derek makes his way through the trees.

“Hey kid,” Stiles can hear the smile slowly creeping it’s way into Derek’s voice, “This is private property.” Stiles turns and practically smacks into Derek’s chest. When did he get so close?

Stiles’ smile almost as wide as Derek’s when he replies, “Well I happen to know the owner, nothing but a big softy. I don’t think he’d mind much.” They stand there for a few seconds just grinning, breathing the same air. It’s wonderful, until Stiles remembers why he’s there in the first place, why he’s so happy to see Derek.

Because Derek left.

Stiles take about three steps back, running fingers through his hair, adding more mess. “What are you doing here?” Venom in his voice he didn’t mean for there to be.

Derek faces closes off so fast Stiles gets dizzy with deja vu. He wishes he wanted to take back the question.

Silence rings loud, harsher than anything Derek could have answered and Stiles breaks.The dam he’d been building since La Iglesia splinters, cracking wide open and he can’t stop the words from bursting out. He’s fucking _hurt_ that after all this time and everything they’ve been through, despite the distance, that Derek can’t even tell him why the hell he’s here.

“You know,” he starts, calm, almost casual, as he looks towards the tree line. But Derek knows him, just as well as Scott. There’s fire and fury in his eyes. “Part of me hated you when you left.”

He lets it hang there, lets it fester before he continues.

“I hated that you abandoned us, abandoned _me_. How you could just leave us behind in the desert and never look back. We weren’t born into this Derek. Not like you. We could have grown up with normal lives; white picket fences, two point five kids in the burbs, brunch on Sundays. I could have gone my whole life without ever being possessed by a demonic fox. I hated that Scott couldn’t mention your name without me wanting to claw my own heart out.”

Flushing at the admission, remembering the beginning of senior year. Remembering how he punched his jeep in frustration.

“Damn it Derek. Scott died! And I was… Well let’s just say it’s a good thing Deaton hadn’t started my emissary training yet or I would have gone full darach on Theo’s lying coyote ass.”

Stiles doesn’t tell him it took almost losing the town to a pack of Chimeras, for Deaton to start his training. That he burned the heart out of Theo and stepped over his charred corpse, no feeling of remorse.

“And I knew you had to know what was going on. Every message I got from Braeden I wondered if maybe I’d get one from you right after. If maybe you were worried we wouldn’t make it through. But nothing, not a ‘hello’ not a 'go fuck yourself’. Not one goddamn word. Everything was shit and you weren’t here.”

Before the Nogitsune, Stiles knows he’d be flailing his arms about, words getting smashed and mixed up, crying hot angry tears. He’s stiller now, more 'zen’ thanks to meditation. He hasn’t had a panic attack in six months, hasn’t taken his Adderall in less. The magic inside him settling.

 _Good_ , he thinks, not wanting Derek to see him cry. That’s not what this is about. There so much left to say between them, so much wasted time. Finally Derek’s standing in front of him, so he keeps going.

“But we made it. We survived and I realized something, we didn’t need you. We didn’t need you to come running in at the last minutes, Deus ex Machina in the flesh. We didn’t need your super secret family vault. We didn’t need your goddamn martyr complex. And I think that’s what scared me the most. Because if we didn’t need you, why would you come back?”

Derek’s gaze had fallen to the forest floor while Stiles poured out his rage, his desperation. Beautiful kaleidoscope eyes watery and defeated. Looking all the world like if Stiles decided to start swinging he wouldn’t even defend himself, just take whatever awful thing was thrown at him. And isn’t that the tragedy of Derek Hale’s existence? That there will always be another hit to take. 

Well fuck that. Stiles is so tired of this bullshit. He needed Derek to listen, to understand.

“But the other part, God Der, the other part was so fucking glad you were gone.” Derek looks up at that. His face, if possible, dropping even further. “Not- ugh, no you don’t- " Stiles scrubs his hands over his face. Shit, maybe he wasn’t getting this right.

"I was glad you were gone, because you were _safe_. You weren’t getting kidnapped or tortured or having your dead family shoved in your face. As if you could ever forget.” That last part mumbled under his breath. “That this shit hole hellmouth of a town wasn’t sucking the life out of you anymore.”

He thinks of Derek finding Laura’s body, getting blamed by him and Scott. Of Peter and his betrayals. Building a new pack only to lose them soon after. He thinks about the loft and how Derek never could have a home untouched by misery and blood.

“This place is nothing but bad memories, a boat load of guilt, and no offensive, but literal death for you. That’s why we never called you, why we let you hop in that police van and drive off into the sunset.”

Confusion is written across Derek’s face like a billboard. It would be cute if this weren’t a life changing moment for both of them. Stiles lets his lips quirk the slightest bit. He’s almost there.

“But did you ever think that maybe we needed you in a different way? That Scott could have used another brother, a mentor for just a bit longer? That Malia could have used help with her full shift? Lydia with her powers? Kira with hers? Hell, no one could have explained how to channel their anger into something useful like you could for Liam. Or maybe we all could have used another person to hug tight after a battle, someone to fight over pizza toppings with, to give chase on full moons. Maybe I needed you in a different way too.”

Stiles clenches and unclenches his hands.

“Maybe I needed more then just a life saving buddy. Someone to hold me through nightmares, who knew what it felt like to blame yourself for so much destruction. To get why some mornings I feel like my skin is all wrong and that I’ll never be who I use to.”

Stiles closes his eyes, he can’t look at Derek for this next part, he’s terrified in a way he’s never been before. “Or maybe I need you be the one to kiss me good morning, everyday, for the rest of my life.”

His cheeks are wet, _so much for not crying_ , he thinks. Tears don’t reach his chin before they’re being wiped away with careful fingers. He leans into Derek’s warm palm. When he opens his eyes Derek’s staring at him with awe and that gives him all the strength he needs to finish this.

“When it comes down to it, I think we were meant for this. We’ve lost a lot of people on the way, but that’s just life. Not everyone can make it to the finish line. I lost my mom long before Scott was bitten, before Kate did what she did. People die. Maybe Allison, Erica, and Boyd wouldn’t have made it even if the world didn’t flip on its ass. I can’t keep wondering what if anymore.”

They’re so close those last words brushes his lips against Derek’s.

“Stiles,” He’s whispering against Stiles’ mouth, “I’ve stayed in this town for so many bad reasons. It’d be nice to stay for a good one.”

Derek closes the remaining space between them, kissing Stiles like the world might end if he stops. With their luck, in this town, better not take the chance.


End file.
